What Drives Our Behaviour

"Behaviour is our best effort at any given time and situation with the skills we have to obtain what we want"

The behaviours we exhibit assist us to navigate the world and social environment we live in. This goes some way to explaining why we all do not exhibit the same behaviours even when on the surface we are faced with a similar situation. This is because we all have differing perceptions, backgrounds and living in environments and therefore have developed differing behavioural skill sets.

Remembering that in order to influence the behaviours of others we must first assess and change our own approach and reactions. This was Principle One.

Principle Two directly relates to meeting our personal and human needs.

Principle Two: All behaviour is needs driven. 

Our behaviours are our tools to get what we want. So in looking at influencing another person behaviour we must first identify what need they are satisfying by continuing to exhibit any particular behaviour.

Remember the person exhibiting the behaviour (that in our mind is inappropriate) does not necessarily have a problem as they are successfully satisfying one or a number of their needs. Now this does not always appear on the surface to be logical. Let me explain with this example.

Have you ever wondered how some people can stay in continually violent relationships? Is it because they have no where to go? Maybe. Do they often say "it's ok, he loves we really". Here's the kicker, they stay because of two reasons, one - fear of the unknown (this I will explain later), and two this is the expression of love they have grown used to and sometimes they do not know anything different as their childhood was exactly the same.

What need is being met? A number really. Of the six basic human needs (Certainty, uncertainty (variety), Significance, Contribution, Belonging, and Influence) there is argument for a number appearing to be met; Certainty, uncertainty, are two major ones of significance, as well as a feeling to Significance (importance).

So we can appreciate that all pour behaviour is aimed at meeting one or a number of these basic human needs. Now lets think about the behaviour example given in my previous blog (the young lad who failed to place his dirty washing in the basket) behaviour and attempt to identify the basic needs that are being met.

By continually having his mother pick up after him he could be seen to be gaining a degree of significance as he is able to influence his mother and play on her need to keep a tidy house.  If his mother continues to clean up after him he may feel loved and especially if he is always presented with clean and presses clothes to wear.  His view could be 'see mum cares because she always washes and irons for me'. His need for certainty is being met because it is certain that Mum will do it.

So you can see he has no real need to change his behaviour.

We can simplify the human needs into one statement:  the need to avoid pain and gain pleasure. All human behaviour can be summarised into these two driving forces, and they are the two simple reasons why people do anything.

Let look at our young man, he avoids the pain of taking the responsibility of cleaning up after himself and gains some pleasure out of doing what he wishes. There is a basic law "we will do more to avoid pain than we will to gain pleasure".

So when attempting to influence another person behaviour we need to identify what need is being met by their present behaviour and also what pain or pleasure is involved for the individual.