What is Needed in Order to Change Behaviour? - Leverage!

"Behaviour is our best effort at any given time and situation with the skills we have to obtain what we want"

This is perhaps the most important aspects or issue in any behaviour changing strategy.  It has been common;y stated that in order to change/learn anything we must first of all want to change. The problem if just wanting to change is that there is no ongoing force to ensure we follow through, most of the time its just a nice idea. Remember we all continue to exhibit behaviours because they work for us (get us what we need or want).

So in order to influence change in the behaviour of our children we first of all must get some leverage, so that we have an ongoing 'force'. Lets take a quick look at leverage. What is it? ok, lets look at an extreme case to demonstrate the point. Take a mother who is scared of heights, and although it is nice to think that she could go skydiving, or mountain climbing or even clean the gutters of her house, they are all just nice ideas, there is no real reason for her to do any of these things in order to make her life enjoyable and secure (basic needs - happy).

So in order to create leverage and a reason to overcome her phobia,we could discuss the consequences of her son being caught on a ledge or roof and unable to get down with no support around to help her. Does she now have leverage, a have to reason to face and overcome her fears.

To equate this to behaviour, we need to remember that since the behaviour actually works for and benefits the person exhibiting the behaviour it is unlikely to change unless the specific behaviour ceases to be effective. So initially it is a simple thing to commence to create leverage, simply change your reaction to the behaviour.

Unfortunately, this is where most people fail, as the exhibitor of behaviour (due to continued success), initially escalates their behaviour in order to meet their needs (yell, get louder, more physical etc), and in order to change their behaviour we must not give in. By doing so we continue to reinfoirce that the behaviour is effective in getting their needs met.

So it is important to follow through, be patient and persevere with your new reactions and strategies particularity to the point where the exhibitor of the behaviour in question begins to realise that they need a new strategy because their usual well rehearsed strategy now fails to be successful for them. It is then that we can begin to teach a new behaviour that we will react to favourably and that meets everyone's needs.