Why Are They so Good at Their Bad Behaviour

"Behaviour is our best effort at any given time and situation with the skills we have to obtain what we want"


Let's revise; remember that all behaviour is needs driven and therefore is aimed at meeting the needs of the person carrying out the behaviour.  In addition to this, successful behaviours are generally repeated and therefore we get very good at these behaviours, we repeat and practice them as they continue to produce the desired results for us. In other words we become very well rehearsed.

Think about it, or better still, next time your child throws a tantrum or exhibits one of their common inappropriate behaviours, observe, and you will notice that they run a very well rehearsed pattern each and very time, time after time. Why would they change? They get what they need or want? they have no need to change and will not until the behaviour fails to produce the desired results.

* Warning, when you change your reaction to the behaviour, expect an escalation of that specific behaviour in the immediate future as it has always been successful, so an increase in intensity (in the mind of the person exhibiting the behaviour) should produce results and overcome your resistance.

Let highlight Principle Three: Behaviour is a skill, it is taught, learnt and practiced. 

The method to interrupt these well rehearsed behaviour patterns can be likened to placing a scratch in an old vinyl record, once scratched it can not play the full track without interruption. This is the idea of changing your reaction to the behaviour, it interrupts the person well rehearsed pattern and make them take stock and reassess, they do not have an immediate answer for your reaction because it is new an not part of their pattern (not previously dealt with and practiced).

Here's and example:
I once advised a mother on how to handle her son's outbursts and tantrums, by getting her to say "that's a silly shirt to wear with those pajamas", initially she thought I was insane as the statement had nothing to do with what his tantrum were usually about, but I encouraged her to give it a try. You see the more out there your reaction the more of a distraction from their pattern they will experience. The next day the mother found me and with great excitement stated "he stopped dead, he looked like he was lost for words", of course he did, the reaction he got was not something he was prepared for.

Remember Principle One is about changing and controlling your behaviour and reactions, in order to influence their behaviour.

Try it. Observe and note their normal pattern, and then prepared and rehearse your reaction either verbal or physical (do a little dance), remember you are trying to distract them, and if it can be with some fun and humour all the better. (Try to bring a smile to their face - that's the challenge).